he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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