____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
