Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
