youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
