Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize