i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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