I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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