This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
false alarm, still single
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
