I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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