I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
