I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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