Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
