Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
