wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
