Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's JV to your varsity
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
