I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
