Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
