I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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