The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So vagazzling was a success
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
