dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
