I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
