my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
