Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
