Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
