Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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