I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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