Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
