what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
