Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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