Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
