I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
