I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My liver just broke up with me...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
