He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
