We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up under a house in Key West
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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