I think I can smell my own vagina right now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize