$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
