The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
