i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
