And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
