Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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