Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
