playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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