if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
