6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
