haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
