I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
