I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
