Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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