Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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