just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
