i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
