i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
