I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
