So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
