I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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