Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
