Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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