i think i have two assholes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
