she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
