toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
