that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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