wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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