Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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