i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize