Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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