if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
