his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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