Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
