It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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