we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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