how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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