At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
