On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
