I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
