I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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