I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
