i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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