i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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