we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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